The World of Anxiety
Anxiety. Such a loaded word with multiple definitions and different ways it manifests. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life and the crazy part is that I didn't know it was anxiety until two years ago (I'm 21).
The sad yet beautiful part about it is that I know I'm not alone. I know there are hundreds if not thousands of people who go most of their life thinking something is wrong with them because their head just won't shut up and the worry outweighs everything.
That's been my life for as long as I can remember. I wanted medication but didn't want to rely on pills to make me happy. Now I am in therapy and it has been one of the best decisions of my life.
I have always been self-aware but now I am more self-conscious than ever. I wanted to share something with you all that hopefully will help with the anxiety. While in therapy, I told my therapist that it's so hard to figure out what is your anxiety versus what is your gut feeling.
Now she didn't have an answer for me because that part I had to figure out on my own, but she always told me that unless the person gives you a reason to believe what your anxiety is telling you, then it's just that; your anxiety.
I have been cheated on in almost every relationship so when I got in my most recent one, it was hard to trust that he wouldn't do the same thing. I ended up lashing out and spiraling as a defense mechanism because I would rather hurt myself first than allow someone else to do it.
I had to sit myself down and ask if this is my anxiety talking or my gut and I just knew it was my anxiety. Now I can't tell you what that feels like. I can't explain to you how you will know which is which but I can guarantee that you will know at that moment.
As women, we have a natural “women's intuition.” It's like our own spidey senses. When that sense goes off, that is your gut telling you something so ALWAYS listen to it!! I promise you, listening to my gut has literally saved my life.
I remember one day, I was at my old job and I kept getting this awful feeling that something bad was going to happen there. About 20 later, someone was carried out in a stretcher and into an ambulance.
The next time I was supposed to work at that same job, I called out because I felt like something was going to happen. This time it was so heavy I thought it was just me being paranoid and anxious but I was right.
I got a call from my mom asking where I was and I told her I was home. She told me there was a shooting at my job and to text everyone I know who is there which I did.
What I'm trying to say is that you will know what is your gut and what is your anxiety. When you have that gut feeling, always listen to it. When it is your anxiety, try to do something that relaxes you in order to quiet the voices down.
I know it is easier said and done but you are not alone. Reach out for help if you need to.
